Making contact

I've been wearing glasses for two or three years. I realized I needed them when I couldn't decipher if the train coming was an N or a W (common mistake). I love my glasses (the only designer anything I own-- Prada, bought on sale) but the prescription is just not cutting it anymore. I find myself squinting while wearing them, so I went and got my eyes checked. While visiting the optometrist (a cheerless man in a yarmulke) I inquired about contacts. Because even if I do get my lenses strengthened, glasses are not compatible with running or biking.

After a contact lens technician spent about a half an hour unsuccessfully trying to get contacts in, he told me that my eyelids had a "death grip" and called in for support. Cassandra, the other tech, slipped them in with ease. I'm like, great, where do I sign, my eyes red and dry. This is the beginning a new era!

Apparently, before getting contacts, you must attend (and pass?) the Insertion and Removal class, held every Wednesday. I'm a busy lady. I've had to schedule and re-schedule this class twice already. Dave asked me about the contacts, "What do they think you're gonna do, stick 'em up your ass and wait two weeks?". I admit I was difficult when they were sticking their fingers in my eyes repeatedly, but isn't that a natural physical response? Is the class really necessary? Yes, said the lady on the phone. No class, no prescription.

Cut to me riding my bike to work on Tuesday. It's a lovely Seattle summer morning- clear and cool, and I'm wearing (non prescription) sunglasses, primarily to block the wind. I'm riding along without a care in the world, when I spot a blurry object in my path. Must be a crumpled plastic bag? Nope, it's a broken Heineken bottle, and I hit it square while managing to roll over some broken shards of glass. The bottle jumped and hit my leg, no harm, but c'mon. I'm riding my bike into beer bottles. Gimme some contact lenses!

My appointment is in two weeks. Hopefully I can attend.