"Just not now"

I went to Crossfit tonight after putting the little girl to bed. It was a good one- warm up consisted of tossing a medicine ball with a partner, then dips and pull-ups (5 sets of 3, each). The workout of the day was called Helen. Crossfit has all these 'Girls' workouts- not sure why they're named Fran, Helen, and Angie, but they'll put you in your place. Helen is a 400 meter run, 21 kettlebell swings, and 12 pull-ups, three times, as fast as you can.

Dave and I have each been going twice a week, because that is all we can accommodate budget- and time-wise. We flirt with the idea of going more, but there is no childcare and really no extra money laying around to pay for it. Believe me, I've checked.

You can't progress when you workout twice a week. You can maintain, but you can't really improve. I'm jealous of the other women who are beating me. My latent competitive edge comes out, and I'm up against women who go three or four times a week. I just have to tell myself, "Not now". I know that the time will come when Edie's a bit older, we have more money, or we find a Crossfit that has a kettlebaby room.

I try not to get down about it, because it's great that I'm still going at all. Any time something pops up that I want- new work clothes, skis, an iPhone, I think "Just not now". I've chosen to work part-time, and I love spending time with Edie, so I wouldn't trade my work schedule for more money (besides, that would require additional daycare tuition, so it's just a vicious cycle).

What I should do is dedicate one more day to doing Crossfit workout at my house. Maybe I'll weld some old coffee cans to a lead pipe and pump iron in our decrepid shed. Or buy a used running stroller now that Edie is 6 months, and go running on our days together. That actually sounds pretty good.