the changing leaves

This is my last week of maternity leave. I can't believe it's time to go back to work! I have mixed feelings about it. I like my job and am looking forward to interacting with my adult-sized buddies again, doing something productive on a professional level, and getting a paycheck. And I'm only going back 3 days per week, which I think will be okay.

But I also really enjoy my mellow days with Edie. We sleep in, we get dressed, she plays on her little playmat (aka jungle gym) or we have a dance party, we read books. I take her to the coffeeshop and we go on a long walk nearly everyday. Today was cool and sunny after three days of blustery, dark coldness, and I welcomed the chance to get back outside. We hunt for spiders, which are all over the place, and I explain to her why changing leaves and blue skies are things to be happy about. Someday she'll understand.

It'll be really hard to have to get up with an alarm. For the past three months, Edie has been my alarm. If I'm up multiple times a night with her, it may suck, but at least I don't have to be up and at 'em the next day. Now I'll have to juggle the nighttime feedings with getting out the door in the morning and being a productive employee.

But most importantly, it'll be hard to leave her with someone else all day. It'll probably be easy for her, just heart-wrenching on me. A whole day of Edie will pass while I'm at work. While I was pregnant, a colleague told me that each of your baby's first is monumental, and it's true. The littlest things make me proud. For example, last week I noticed Edie started to grab a ring on her octopus rattle. She used to just bat it, now she holds it and swings it around! That doesn't seem like much to someone else, I'm sure, but it's a window into Edie's development for me. And it's little things like that that I'll probably miss.

We'll see how it goes. I'm getting a little sad writing this, so wish me luck.